Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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