so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
