Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
