Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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