Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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