Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
