LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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