i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
