I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
