Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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