i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
