I just pynch a tree in the face
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
