I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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