Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
