my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
