feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
