So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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