ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
