I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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