I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Couch. On fire.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
