everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He did a backflip because drugs
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
