I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
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I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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