I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
