Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
