I wannas sexs uuuuu
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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