I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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