Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
