So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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