I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
