This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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