I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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