dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
