My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
