i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
