she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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