He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
