this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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