I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize