you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
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Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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