i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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