I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
