I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
