If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize