i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
