I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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