I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
