just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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