This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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