Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
