So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
