when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
