Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
