You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
