Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
