He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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