i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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