Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
