the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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