I'm gonna have a badass scar
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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