There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
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He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
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with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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