Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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