I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
