Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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