No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
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dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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