I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
