I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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