im drinking this country out of the recession.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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