party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
