Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
